How Russia made me deaf

An irreversible loss sometimes can bring an irreversible strength

THE SOUNDS OF WAR ARE the most terrible ones that someone can hear. They are so terrible that it's common to have temporary deafness after bombs and missiles come close to us. The loudness is unbearable even with protection, so much that it's quite common to come back from a battle with permanent hearing loss. 

However, it's not needed to be exactly in a battle to observe similar symptoms, not to mention that this is the most cruel part of this war: these battles take place anywhere and at any time. Anyone can be targeted in this unspeakable strategy to hit residential neighborhoods in the most quiet times of the morning, while citizens are sleeping and vulnerable.

Like millions of Ukrainians, since the invasion I've been exposed to a level of noise much beyond the acceptable in terms of health standards. The combination of explosions and flying objects presents everyday a really harmful threat to the population's hearing acuity, and many like me are now finding these unexpected effects at themselves.

Since October, I have been detecting a difference when percepting sounds, noticing some confusion when distinguishing some words in a conversation, and a sensation that my right ear had lost much of its sensitivity. Sometimes, the feeling was that this ear was shut down, leading me to experience a sequence of headaches and unease in loud environments.

After a couple of visits to the doctor, several exams, rounds of drug treatment, and a scrutiny of my auditory cortex, it was established that my impairment is much probably permanent. By far, the most likely cause is something called "audiometric trauma" because of the inadequate exposure.

The inadequate exposure to a completely inadequate war, caused by the most shameful and inadequate country in the world and moved by absolutely inadequate claims in our Ukrainian territory.

My audiometry revealed I'm in fact partially deaf in the right ear and in the higher frequencies. This is an impairment that will follow me the rest of my life and will constrain my activities to some extent, given it hopefully stops evolving. Since March, thankfully, it seems to be steady. 

It's still to be taken with a more sophisticated audiometry as well as testing hearing aid devices, but for now, the verdict is that I'll need to get used to the idea. 

I'm the kind of person that chooses to see the good side of a problem and simply go straight ahead without thinking too much, so I'm not so worried with the half deafness. My life remains fully operational, I'm active, and I'm ready to grab more challenges, projects and fights. Including military ones.

What deeply annoys me is Russia invading our sovereign country and expanding their terror so deeply that it is not satisfying only in killing innocents and destroying our cities, it goes inside our bodies and somehow steals our soul and our dignity. Losing sensory functions is only a possible repercussion of their violence, and it's still a lucky one: how many didn't go into a deadly stroke or a heart attack because their emotions couldn't deal with our everyday tragedy? 

At the same time wars produce irreversible losses, it certainly produces irreversible strength to fight against those who extend evil towards another. I may have an irreversible hearing impairment, but be sure my determination to fight Russia is also at its highest, absolutely irreversible.