For my brother Anton
And a reminder that we need to say we love those we really love in life
AT THIS EXACT TIME, IT’S NOT EVEN June the 7th in Ukraine anymore, but it doesn't matter too much. Today is a significant day for me anyway. By now, you've probably realized I'm seriously attached to dates, almost to the point of attributing superstitious powers to them. And it's a correct assumption.
Yesterday, or today if your part of the world is still on Friday, is my brother Anton's birthday. The oldest of my brothers, he is 49 years old from now on. Throughout my early years, I've always considered June the month of Anton. For me, these warm days of June embody Anton's face, the sound of his voice, his attitude, his smell.
Due to sad circumstances that typically happen in families, I lost contact with two of my brothers, including Anton. After the passing of my parents, the bonds among us were strained, and silly disputes reached an unbearable level. To the point we could never talk with each other again.
For many years, I didn't know anything about him. Where he was living, who he was married to—close to nothing reached my knowledge. This was a disgrace because we shared such a lovely past full of fond memories. He was the one who taught me how to read the first words. He was the one who defended me from the bad guys in school and because of that, he ended up in the police station until my father came to pick him up.
It was sad to lose touch completely, and the sadness accumulated over the years. For a long time, I simply carried on and got used to it, but soon it started to feel like an untreated wound that never heals completely and opens up from time to time, reminding me that someday I would need to fill this gap in my life.
Recently, though, I met a lady, and as we spoke, we discovered she happened to be from my hometown, Dnipro. By extreme coincidence, in a city of more than a million souls, she was acquainted with my parents and had even visited my apartment when I was less than one year old.
To my surprise, she knows about Anton. Although she didn't know details, she somehow has people connected to him, and she told me she knew he was enlisted in the army and part of the front in Bakhmut. But he is currently alive as far as she knows, and he returned safely, waiting for his next journey.
This raised my anxieties to a level I couldn't describe. I felt like my open wound was covered by a stream of blood again. After 15 years, I can't wait any longer to treat it. It's destiny pushing me to solve this.
To overcome my pride, my shame, my fears, to find my beloved brother again and tell him I love him and that I never stopped loving him. To say that our family problems are nothing compared to the affection I feel for him, the wonderful memories of him I carry with me everywhere. The uncontested and enormous importance he had when I was building my personality and my character.
Thinking with the clarity that only time can provide, helped by two years and almost half of a devastating war, I can honestly say that I simply don't know who I would be today if not for my older brother Anton.
A person who is living a life completely apart from mine, who I was weak enough to let life simply take away for the silliest possible feelings in life such as resentment and pride. Of course, it was his decision too, but I am responsible for my part, at least in half.
And I'm committed to solving this. I still don't know how, when, or in which way. Next month, I will meet the lady again, and she will possibly provide me with his contact information.
For now, I just want to send you, my dear brother Anton, wherever you are now, a happy and a safe birthday. I hope the joy we used to have together 30 years ago on this date is somehow with you again.
And I love you, my brother. I never ceased to love you.
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Dearest Viktor. Because I love your writings I decided to go back and read all your posts. I just read your Anton post and had to reply.
Unlike you and Anton my younger brother William and I are best friends. He was born 3 yrs & 5mo after me. I always looked out for him & beat him up once in awhile in our youngest years. As we grew there was a sort of rivalry between us, but a healthy one. You might say we were like the tortoise & the hare with me being the rabbit. I would do something and Billy would have to copy me. Didn't matter what it was but every time he would show me up because he was meticulous in his work & quality even as a child! I would give him a hard time & ask if he would ever finish. I would compliment & encourage him everytime he wooped me because he clearly did better, everytime. As we went through life that love and bestfriendship endured, even after I moved to the other side of the country. We didn't communicate very much because we were both struggling to provide for our families. I had 1 child of course he had 2!
Ten years ago this month he was diagnosed with leukemia and by October 17th, (my other brother Pauls birthday) he was gone just like that. I did get to see him on his 57th birthday 2 months before his death but thought I'd see him again. I did, his ashes were in a box between the flowers at his funeral.
The reason for this long reply is possibly premature as I havent noticed an update as of yet. So I wish you the best with your dear Anton and hope you are reunited soon.
Faithfully yours.
☮🇺🇦💙
Hello Viktor, I am writing from the United States. I discovered what you wrote during my travels on various platforms on the internet…it struck something inside me. My brother and I have not spoken or seen each other for four years. The day I told him to never come to our home again. He had fully embraced the traitor who is now our president, and we could not bear his incessant chatter about Trump, the great and wonderful.
As we are making initial preparations to leave the country, I have been feeling that I need to reach out before we go. Brothers and sisters share a special bond, even in the worst of times. It is likely that we will not see each other after we leave, for crossing international borders is not going to be any easier as time passes. I wish you well, Viktor. We are following the events in Ukraine through Maia Mikaulik and International Partnerships in Kiev, and other news outlets.